Saturday, November 24, 2007

Big Spankable Asses (excerpt)

Big Spankable Asses

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Chapter One
"What we really need is a man who knows what the hell he's doing! I am so tired of faking it, not getting any, or turning to Big Tom to catch a thrill! And lately Tom has been eating into my budget, for real. I've bought more batteries than you can shake a stick at."
"Simone girl, please! I don't know about you two, but I think it's all hype anyway," Melinda said in disgust as she sipped her drink.
"What's all hype? Orgasms?" Simone frowned and asked as she paused to take a sip of her drink.
"Orgasms, multiple orgasms, G spot, whatever ... all of it!"
"So says the woman who has never had one," Lilliana piped up and laughed.
"Oh, and you're an expert?" Melinda raised an eyebrow.
"No, but I've had a couple here and there," Lilliana said, sipping her margarita as she sat with her two best friends, Melinda Carlisle and Simone Thomas, in their favorite booth at Hooters, drinking, gossiping and winding down with the rest of the early evening crowd.
"Well, I don't know about you two but I'm no stranger to the ultimate thrill, it's just ... been a while, that's all. And for a chick like me? A toy can only provide so much relief. I need a man. A real man. One that doesn't require batteries," Simone said on a sigh as she sat back in the booth, her eyes restless as she surveyed the crowd.
"Ummm. Yeah, I know what you mean, girl. Since I've returned home, well, actually since I left Marcus two years ago "
"Thank God you saw the light and finally left that loser."
"Simone!" Melinda cautioned.
"What? We all know that jackass was a sorry excuse for a man. No man puts his hands on a woman. Period. End of subject. He was lucky all our girl did was give him a black eye with that vase she bashed over his head when he tried to hit her again. He should be thanking God that when she knocked him out, she didn't lay his ass out to rest! I would have," Simone said grimly. The women were silent for a minute.
"You're back home and we're thankful for that. I missed you, girl. Long distance calls and occasional visits are nothing like having you here at home." Melinda reached over and enveloped Lilliana in a hug.
"Thanks, Mel. It feels good to be home," she said, returning the hug and giving a small half smile.
"I missed you too, Lil. It's kind of like old times, the three of us together again. Remember how you'd sneak out of the house, when your brothers and your mom were asleep?" Simone asked and all three women laughed in memory.
"That was the only time I ever had any fun! If it hadn't been for you two, I don't know what I would have done."
"I tell you what you would have done. Watched your brothers twenty four seven. That's what would have happened," Melinda finished and shook her head. "Girl, I still don't understand why your mother did that to you. You and Glenn are only a year or so apart, aren't you? And the twins weren't that much younger than Glenn."
"She worked late nights sometimes and she was beat. She said she didn't have energy to deal with us, especially the younger ones, after working twelve hour shifts at the factory," Lilliana answered with a shrug.
"Why do you always do that?" Simone asked after a slight pause.
"Do what?"
"Excuse your mom."
"I don't excuse her. It happened and I don't want to dwell on it. It was in the past, it has nothing to do with the present, so can we just not go there tonight? I thought we were talking about men, anyway, not my mama." Lilliana barely refrained from rolling her eyes. She glanced down at her drink and caught the subtle elbow nudge that Melinda gave Simone, and Simone's answering grimace.
"Like I was saying. I am in total agreement with you on the whole it's been a while syndrome!"
Melinda laughed. "I had no idea that lack of sex was a syndrome."
"It is when it's been a while since you had any."
"Hmmm. Especially when it's been a while since you had it put on you right! And the official name for it is PID," Simone returned drolly.
"Pelvic Inflammatory Disease?" Melinda was a nurse and naturally applied a medical term to the acronym.
"Hell no! Pussy In Distress Syndrome," Simone said.
"Okay? Girl!" Lilliana agreed and all three women laughed.
"So what do we do about it?" Melinda asked after they'd stopped.
"Do? What do you mean?"
"Hold on ... let me get the waitress over here." Simone raised her arm to capture the woman's attention.
"Do you think Hooters would hire me?" Lilliana asked out of the blue.
"What in the world? Why do you want to work at Hooters? Don't you like the temp job I set up for you?" Melinda asked Lilliana before she turned to Simone. "I don't think I need another drink, Simone! My head is reeling from the two I've already had!"
"Girl, please. It's Friday night ... what else you got planned?" Simone turned her head. Her long, honey blond, relaxed hair whipped around as she snapped her fingers to try and get the waitress's attention.
"Yes, I do like the job. It's going really well ... I'll have another one, Simone," Lilliana laughed, easily moving back and forth with the conversation. She turned to Melinda. "I was just wondering if they'd hire me. I mean look at these chicks."
They all glanced around at the midriff baring, T shirt wearing waitresses bustling around the bar and grill, big boobs bouncing as they served drinks and food.
"What about them? What are you complaining about? You've got more than enough going on up top. Both of you heffas do. It's my behind they wouldn't hire. All ass and no tits!" Melinda humphed.
"Yeah, I got the boobs, but it's the rest of me they wouldn't dig, girl. Not only do I have the tits, I got the ass, thighs and hips to go along with it," Lilliana argued.
"Well, at least you're evened out. Got a nice small waist. I'd love to have more on top to go along with this butt of mine," Melinda insisted.
"Girl, whatever! I don't know what kind of man you're used to ... oh, wait. That's right!" Simone snapped two fingers together. "You were married to that bougie fool, Edmund. His wannabe ass wouldn't know a real woman if she came up behind him and pimp slapped him! That's why he didn't know what to do with you, Mel. You're a real woman, and once you stopped living in his image he didn't know what to do!"
Lilliana couldn't help smiling at her friends. It felt good to be home with friends who knew and loved her. She'd been back in Chicago for less than a month, yet ...

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

It don't count if…, inc...

I was in a conversation with two friends discussing the character Cocoa, in my book Off the Chain Volume 2. Our conversation revolved around Cocoa's opinion that you could have sex with someone else and technically not be cheating as long as you didn't….have an orgasm. That's right. You can be in a relationship with someone and go out and have intercourse, oral sex…whatever …and as long as you don't cum…you're not cheating.
I rolled on the floor in laughter as my friends (who are female of course) stated that although they didn't agree with Cocoa's rule, they did feel that there were some exceptions to cheating and they rattled them off to me.

It don't count if the person you cheat with lives in a different zip code.
If don't count if the sex ain't good.
It don't count if your boyfriend is out of town.
It don't count if you're out of town.

Amazed with this female mindset, I took the question to my Yahoo group and asked my members if they felt there were some things that…didn't count… in regards to cheating.

Following is what I got back (only the women replied by the way).

It don't count if:
You don't get caught.
He has no skills.
He's your ex.
He doesn't lick it right.
He don't have the motion to rock ocean.
He cums before he even sticks it in.
You don't take off all your clothes.
You can't feel the dick!
You don't cum.
Different area code.
You don't insert body parts (but you can insert anything else ).
You don't kiss.
You just get fingered.
If you live upstairs and he lives downstairs.
They don't make you cum.
If he rushes it.
If he don't pound it good.

My favorite comments are as follows:

It don't count if I don't want it to count!
It don't count the minute he walks out the door!
It don't count if your boyfriend brings a friend and his friend fucks you better!
It Don't count if you knew the person you cheat with before the person you were with...unfinished business ...don't count!

As I stated earlier in this article, only the women replied and you see their answers. This lets me know…that there are a whole lotta women…cheatin'… and then cuddling up next to their lover with no remorse. Because in their mind…what they did…don't count.


Frederick's of Hollywood, Inc...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

A playa has 4 different types of girls....

A Playa has 4 different types of girls...

1. Wifey
2. Baby Girl
3. Side Piece
4. Jump Off

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1) Wifey is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all the women. She is loved, needed and wanted by her man...she is VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE. She is the girl that the guy loves and will always love, he never wants to see her with another man...BUT he will cheat on her with Baby Girl until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught or fucks up in any way and loses Wifey, he would be screwed, and NEVER be happy again. Wifey gets along with mom, is independent, never nags, loves to dress sexy for her man, can cook and loves to keep a clean house. Wifey gets called 5 or 6 times a day. Drawback of Wifey, she loves public displays of affection...which might interfere with the acquisition of a Side Piece.

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2) Baby Girl is ALWAYS just as hot as wifey and usually has a very active social life...she IS replaceable, thinks she's the next Wifey, but will only be Wifey if an extreme disaster takes place. Baby Girl gets some of the benefits of Wifey, like quality time every now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but that's as far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby Girl is in case Wife really really fucks up, she can be replaced in a matter of weeks because Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot. Be careful of Baby Girl, she tends to be just as attached as Wifey and therefore can be dangerous to the Side Piece. Biggest benefit of Baby Girl..she is extremely private and hates causing a scene, baby girl can come into the same restaurant as you and wifey and wifey will have no idea you two even know each other. Baby Girl is a master of disguise as well.

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3) Side Piece, usually a female that the guy uses only for sex and other pleasures, she is usually the one that he goes to for that 3-some or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and Baby Girl is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for
A few hrs. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month. Side Pieces are hard to spot when they are out because most of her friends are either Wifey's or Jump Offs. Drawback of having more than one side piece, they usually know each other somehow...we kinda think there is a side piece network.Com or something. Try to keep your side piece count below 4 if possible.

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4) Jump Off...every mans dream and worst nightmare. She is trying to move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesn't know how to go about it. They are just the girls he hollas at when he is with his boys...she is usually stored in the cell phone by a nickname because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her...he only recalls how fat her ass was. The Jump Off gets called in emergencies only, when wifey is moody, baby girl is on vacation and side piece is with her baby's father. The Jump Off is extremely dangerous in public for a number of reasons, she is usually 5 other guys jump off as well, so she might cause drama with you and one of those dudes if you slip up, she also has no problem confronting you in the mall when you are with Wifey (something that baby girl would NEVER do) and the most dangerous thing about Jump Off...she ALWAYS seems to find out where you live and or work.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Next edition of Whose your Daddy???

The next edition of my advice column...Whose your Daddy???

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I need help. My fiancé is the sweetest, kindest most thoughtful man I have ever met. Butttttt. he has a female best friend. They go everywhere together, they tell each other everything, they work together and are together in some way everyday. He says that they are just friends and have been for over ten years. He is very attentive to me but if I call and she is around his tone changes. He always ends with I love you, unless she is around. And the only time he does not call on schedule is when he is with her. I've talked to some of my girlfriends about the situation and they think that I should talk to my fiancé's friend to feel her out. What do you think? Should I invest the rest of my life with this man?



C'mon you know what's up. Whenever a man is extra tight with a woman and calls her his friend it's because she has everything that he wants in a woman except one major thing.

That's why she's a friend.

But if she ever fixes that one thing she is missing you best believe she will IMMEDIATELY be moved out of the friend category.

Every friend that I had like that there was some form of intimacy although it was limited. So although your man is not doing girl every night he is doing something with her every now and then. Please don't play yourself and think that he is not.

I firmly believe that your spouse should be your best friend. It sounds like that place will not be filled by you. Can you deal with that? I'll answer that question for you since I know a little bit about you love.

YOUR A SCORPIO!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya'll don't play second fiddle. Period! If you're bothered're going to be livid when he's doing what he is now when you got his ring on your finger. You're pressed about being married, however, what you need to be concerned with is finding the best person for you dear.

And if you're asking this question then you should know he is not. The perfect relationship is easy. You don't have to put that much work into it.

In regards to talking to your fiancé's friend…I really don't think you should talk to her at all. What I would be curious about is which one of them has something wrong with them. Is it him? Or is it her?

If he is the one that is missing something you need to be very concerned... because if he can fix the it what ever it is she is going to take your man ring or not. The main question you need to ask yourself is can you share your man or not? Like I said…I don't think you can.

So you need to be talking to your dude and let him know that if you are going to be his wife that he needs to kick his friend to the curb. If you're not his everything what the hell are you going to wear his ring for?

If he can do that...marry him.

If he can' better not.

Because we can bet money right now that you won't be married long or you will be seriously cheating on him.

Whose your Daddy???

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Abundant Ministries Excerpt

Here is a new excerpt from my next book Abundant Ministries which will be released November, 15, 2007.

A ho is…as a ho does…

Euftis went home that evening to find Leata unusually happy. Euftis took her happiness as a bad omen. Because whenever she was happy, it didn't work towards his benefit. Wary, he waited for her to let him know what was going on.
After Euftis changed out of his work clothes and began to fix his plate for dinner Leata dropped the bomb. "Euftis, Reneta is going to be in town this weekend to go to the women's ministry conference at Revelation Temple. Is it okay if she stays with us", Leata asked smiling.
Euftis rolled his eyes with his back to her. Leata's big sister Reneta had been hitting on him from the first day that he met her. If someone were to call Euftis a ho he wouldn't deny it. However, Euftis did pride himself on the fact that he was not a…stank…ho. There were some lines that he would not cross. One of those lines that he didn't cross was attempting to have…relations…with a family member of someone that he was intimate with. Euftis felt that Reneta was…beyond…stank in her attempts to have sex with her sister's husband.
"Leata…I don't think it's a good idea for Reneta to stay over here. Can't she just stay in a hotel", Euftis asked timidly as he turned around to look at Leata.
Leata crossed her arms and frowned. "Euftis my sister should be able to spend the night if she wants to", she exclaimed. "You need to get over your issues with my family!"
"I thought you just asked me if it was…okay…if she stayed over? I'm tryin' to let you know quietly that your sister's a stank ho", Euftis thought. "Leata…you…should have an issue with your sister coming over here. Misery loves company and she covets what you have. You can't see that she is jealous that she's not married and doesn't have a husband who takes care of her the way that I do you. That's why she's always filling your head with things you should be doing without me which makes you think that you're really missing out on something. When you allow her to do that you create wedges in your marriage."
"And it's also why she's always throwin' the pussy in my face when you're back is turned", Euftis thought.
"Euftis! Reneta is my sister", Leata yelled. "She would not do anything to hurt me!"
"You asked me if I had a problem with her spending the night here and I'm voicing my concerns", Euftis said calmly. "But since you think that I don't know what I talking about…you just go right ahead and let her come over. For just as long as you like", Euftis replied looking at Leata like he knew something that she didn't.


A little after 7pm that Friday night, Reneta called Leata on her cell to get directions to the house after she got into town. Leata excitedly steered her sister to her home and then ran to the front door to greet her when she pulled up.
"Girls. Reneta is here", Leata said happily as they sat in the living room with Euftis watching an episode of the Cosby Show.
Euftis sat unmoved and the girls looked at their mother with a…so what… expression on their face. "Don't ya'll want to come outside with me and help her with her things", Leata asked her family concerned.
Euftis stared at the television and didn't reply.
"Mommy. Auntie Reneta don't like kids", Nicole replied giving her reason for not greeting her aunt at the door.
"Even the girls can see that your sister is fake", Euftis thought.
Leata sighed heavily and went outside to help her sibling with her things.


Leata and Reneta lugged her bags into the hallway and then Reneta came into the living room while Leata closed the front door behind her. "Heeeeeeeeey girls", she said in a playful voice looking at the girls sitting on the floor.
"Hi auntie Reneta", the girls piped back in unison and then turned back around to watch the television.
Reneta then tilted her head to the side and glanced over at Euftis with a smirk on her face. "Here it comes", Euftis thought.
"Heeeeeeey brother…", Reneta said smiling as she sauntered over to Euftis who was sitting on a medium sized futon.
"Hey Reneta", Euftis replied casually as he made no attempt to get up from his chair.
Reneta walked to the side of the futon and rubbed her hand on the back of Euftis' bald head. Euftis looked at his wife with an expression on his face that said AreYouGonnaGetThisHoOffMe. "Give me a hug…brother", Reneta said as she continued to rub Euftis' head.
"You don't need to hug me Reneta…why don't you hug the kids", Euftis replied with a sour expression on her face.
"E! Give her a hug", Leata said smiling.
"If she wasn't your sister I'd be given this ho much more than just a hug", Euftis thought.
Reneta tried to sit down on the side of the futon next to Euftis but he didn't budge to give her any room. Since he didn't, she pushed against his side with her rump until she had enough room to sit down. Then she leaned into him and hugged him tight. "I missed you brother. I…really…did", she said whispering into his ear so that Leata didn't hear her as she pressed her braless breasts into his chest.
"Okay! Huggin' time is over", Euftis exclaimed pushing Reneta off the futon.


Euftis and the girls continued to watch television while Leata chatted away with her sister. Euftis kept one ear on the television and the other on Leata and Reneta. He knew that it wouldn't take her long to begin spreading anarchy in his home.
"So where do you and your girlfriends go on a Friday night sis", Reneta asked Leata.
"Here we go", Euftis thought.
"Go? I don't go anywhere", Leata said laughing.
"You don't have a ladies night out with your girls", Reneta said acting shocked.
"Well we're gonna have one tonight. Where can we go?"
"I don't know", Leata said giggling. "We could go to church."
"Girls night out you don't go to church Leata. You dress up real pretty and go somewhere nice", Reneta said as if she were talking to a child.
"A ho is as a ho does…", Euftis thought. "A night out on the town every week without her husband is not the brightest of things to do for a woman who wants to stay married. This is the point where I would speak up and check your sister. That is…if…I cared."
"Don't they have any places to go where saints can fellowship", Reneta continued.
"Fellowship…", Euftis thought sarcastically. "In other words get your party on while pretending not to…"
"There's a new place in Tri-County called the Gospel Grill…", Leata said tentatively. "But it's for single saints."
"What can you do there?"
"It's like a club. But for saints. You can eat there…and they have live music. But it's live gospel music. No rap or any of that other mess you hear on the radio or BET."
"That sounds niiiiiiiice…let's go there", Reneta exclaimed excited.
"But it's for…single…saints Reneta!"
"So? Are you trying to say a married woman can't be around single people? People are people Leata. It doesn't matter if they are married or not."
"Well I need to check with E and make sure he is okay with me going."
"What did me and momma teach you", Reneta whispered conspiratorially glancing over at Euftis as he pretended not to hear what they were saying. "You don't need to be checkin' with your husband when you want to do something!"
"It's always interesting watching married women taking relationship advice from women…who don't have…or can't keep…a man", Euftis thought amused.
"I'm going to check with E…Reneta. Euftis?"
"Huh? What", Euftis said acting like he was not paying attention.
"Do you mind…if I…go to the Gospel Grill…with Reneta…", Leata asked hesitantly.
"Sure! Want me to come with? We can get a sitter", Euftis replied merrily fucking with Reneta's plans.
Leata glanced over at her sister. "I wanted to have a little quality time with my sister…brother", Reneta said smiling. "I promise not to keep her out to long."
"Well…that just says it all", Euftis replied sarcastically.
The smile left Reneta's face and Leata glanced at her again and then back to Euftis. "So does that mean you have a problem with me going", Leata asked looking a little depressed.
"No", Euftis replied simply. "Have a nice time."


Leata went upstairs to shower and change while Reneta changed into a slinky short black dress and came back into the living room. "Lookin' mighty cute to just be spending some private time with your sister and…fellowshipping…with saints", Euftis said sardonically.
"You like me in this brother", Reneta asked as she turned to the back and sides giving Euftis a 360 degree view of her outfit.
Euftis stared hard. "Ummmpfhhhh…", he thought. "You wearin' the…fuck…out of that dress ho."
"Well? Do you like it", she asked again.
"You look cute dear", Euftis said blandly as he got up and walked to his office.
Reneta followed Euftis into his office and he sighed heavily as she closed the door behind her. "You have mail", Euftis' computer droned.
Euftis walked over to his desk and bent over the monitor to read the email message. He bagan to read the message and then bolted upright in shock. Reneta had quietly walked up behind him and slapped him soundly on his rump.
Euftis turned around frowning as Reneta stood before him smirking. Without a word, Euftis grasped Reneta by her shoulders and backed her up to the sofa that sat across from his desk. After making her take a seat, he then sat down in his office chair and swiveled it around to face her across the room.
"So how are things going with your new boyfriend", Euftis asked. "And what's the name of the church that's he's a pastor of in Indianapolis again?"
"He's the pastor of New Birth Pentecostal…downtown. Can you give me some advice about him brother", Reneta asked.
"Well…you know he's a young pastor. He's my age. We've been going together now for four months. I go to his church on Sunday's every other week. And every time that I do…he doesn't…recognize…me to the church. He's got a big church and there are a lot of women there. I'm wondering if the reason that he is not acknowledging me to his church as his girlfriend is because he's seeing other women there."
Euftis suppressed a laugh. "The ho is upset because of other hoes potentially pushin' up on her dick", Euftis thought.
"Well you're not married Reneta. You're not the church mother. So he really doesn't have to parade you around to his congregation. What makes you think he's seein' other women in his church", Euftis asked pressing her for more data.
Reneta stared at Euftis for several moments before speaking. "Well…when I'm over his house…his phone rings all the time…and he won't answer it. I'm talkin'
…two…three…four…o'clock in the morning. He always says it's one of his deacons or someone else pertaining to chuch business. But I think its women calling over there."
"At three o'clock in the morning", Euftis said raising an eye brow. "No… sweetie. It's not a deacon. It's a booty call. So you fuckin' him?"
"Why are you asking me that", Reneta asked acting embarrassed. "And I wish you'd stop cursing Euftis. You know what the word says about using profanity."
"Whateva ho", Euftis thought. "Worry about your own sins and stop throwing stones at me. Because if you can hear his phone ringing at three o'clock in the morning…it's because you're fuckin' him. So answer the question. Be honest. Stop…lying… You…know…what the word says about…liars. Are you… fucking…you're pastor?"
"We…do…it. You don't need to curse. Don't tell Leata", Reneta pleaded.
"I'm…telling", Euftis thought. "I'm telling Leata…your momma…your dad! Every so called sanctified person you know! Ohhhhh…you're stank! Stank on top of stank! Ohhhhhhhh…you're such a scandalous ho!"
"Does you're dad know that you're fuckin' him", Euftis asked trying to make Reneta feel badly for her immoral actions. "'Cause I know your dad. And I know the first thing out of his mouth when he met Larry was if he was sleeping with you. So what did you tell him?"
Reneta sighed. "Larry told him that we weren't."
Euftis shook his head. "So…Larry…who is a pastor of a church…is having premarital sex with you…and he lied to your father…and said that you weren't?", Euftis said spelling out Reneta's crimes.
Reneta shook her head in the affirmative.
"Have you ever heard Larry preach about premarital sex at his church", Euftis asked curious.
"Yea…he…preaches about it."
"Larry's preaching about the sins of premarital sex when he's fuckin' Reneta and probably every other good looking woman in his church", Euftis thought. He stared at Reneta blankly. She had always pointed fingers at him and played holier than thou if Euftis took a drink or cursed but she couldn't see the spirit of whorishness that she allowed to dwell within her. The hypocrisy of Reneta, her boyfriend and others like them reinforced why he didn't want to be bothered with organized religion.
"He's got a nice body Euftis. I just love his body. He's got the nicest body that I have ever seen on a man."
"She just doesn't get it", Euftis thought.
"But I'm not sure… He may be funny", Reneta said making a face.
"I don't know why you're going there. Larry's not hardly gay.", Euftis replied making a face back at her.
"He likes me to play with his booty Euftis. He tells me to lick it. And to finger it…when I'm eatin' him up", Reneta said making another face.
"You're fulla shit", Euftis thought. He wasn't buying her act that she didn't like the abnormal requests that her boyfriend made of her. "You like that shit! Don't even try to pretend that you don't."
Reneta looked down at her feet embarrassed and then looked up at Euftis again. "His booty always smells freash like a baby. I don't mind licking it but I feel funny sticking my index finger all up in there like he wants while I'm… eating him up. He loves that."
Euftis tried to fathom Reneta's motivation for sharing details of how she had sex with her boyfriend. He then realized that she was sharing her lurid details with him because he wasn't saved. In her eyes it was alright to share her sins with someone that she viewed as a heathen. She would never under any circumstances divulge what she was sharing with him with her sister or anyone else in the church for that matter. After all, she was a saved, virtuous woman. At least…pretending to be.
Moments later, Leata walked into his office wearing a skimpy red wrap dress. As soon as Leata locked eyes on Euftis and her sister she frowned in displeasure. Euftis assumed that she had a problem with the two of them being locked up in his office.
"Don't you look at me like your upset", Euftis thought. "I told you from the get go that this ho didn't need to come over here..."


Euftis received a much needed break from Leata and her sister that evening and on the following day the two of them spent the entire day at the women's convention.
On Sunday, Leata stuck to her routine and prepared herself and the girls for church. As Euftis sat in the living room sipping his coffee and reading the Wall Street Journal he was surprised when Leata looking perturbed put the girls in an assembly line so that she could get their jackets on minus her sister.
"Where's Reneta", Euftis asked suspiciously. "Is she going to church with you?"
"No", Leata replied brusquely looking down and not meeting Euftis' eyes. "She said that she doesn't feel like going to church today. So she said she's going to stay here…with you."
Euftis sighed. He could tell that Leata was just as uncomfortable with Reneta staying alone at the house with him as he was but she chose to remain in denial about her sister as she did everything else. Euftis knew that the only reason that Reneta was not going to church was because she planned on making a move on him. Reneta like Leata lived for church and the next best thing to going was visiting a new church where they could meet new men.
Continuing to avoid Euftis' eyes, Leata hurriedly got the girls coats on and rushed them out the door. Euftis shook his head. He couldn't believe the stupidity of his wife and the brazeness of her sister. Both of whom were two in-tounges speaking, in prayer weaping virtuous women of God. At least that's what they thought.
Euftis fixed himself another cup of java and then closed himself in his office so that he could watch a movie in his porn collection. He watched porn on most Sunday's having nothing to do and the house to himself.
He juggled three DVDs as he tried to decide what he wanted to watch, finally settling on an edition of a title called Ghetto Booty. He was interested in watching a scene in which Mr. Marcus got his freak on with a gorgeous redbone.
Euftis watched engrossed as Marcus who, was obviously feeling the redbone, at one part in the scene asked her if he could be her man. The redbone promptly replied by asking Marcus, "…do you promise to stop fucking other girls?"
Mr. Marcus' reply was a frowning stare into the camera that said, "…what the hell do you think?"
No longer than thirty minutes after Leata left, Reneta sauntered into Euftis' office wearing nothing more than a loose terry cloth bathrobe. "Mental note. Put a lock on the office door", Euftis thought.
"Mooooorning brother", Reneta said merrily as she walked over to Euftis who was sitting on his couch.
"Why didn't you go to church with Leata and the kids", Euftis asked blandly.
"'Cause I…", Reneta replied as she suddenly jumped into Euftis' lap. "…wanted to stay here and visit with you!"
Euftis sighed. "You need to stop playing games Reneta."
"What are you watching", she asked ignoring Euftis' statement.
"Something that a nice, saved woman like you shouldn't be seeing", Euftis replied sarcastically.
"I've seen this one", Reneta replied enthusiastically after watching only several minutes of the movie. "This is the one where the girl asks Mr. Marcus if he will stop sleeping with other women and just be with her", Reneta said excitedly. "Play that scene!"
"I didn't know that…sanctified…women watched porn", Euftis said mockingly.
Reneta scowled. "Larry…has those movies… I saw it over at his house."
Euftis smiled. "Both of ya'll are gonna fry in hell", he thought. "I may be a sinner…but I ain't standin' in a pulpit telling people not to do the things that I am. There's a special place in hell for the two of you."
Reneta's large, soft rump pressed into and molded around Euftis' member and he could not help but be moved. Reneta felt the swell and looked down at her lap and then slowly looked up at Euftis with hunger in her eyes. Reneta slowly leaned forward as if she were going to give Euftis a kiss and her robe opened up a bit clearly displaying her perky 34" b-cup breasts.
"I wanna give you a…spiritual…hug brother…", she said as she molded her body into Euftis and held him tight.
"There ain't a thing…spiritual…about this hug", Euftis thought.
She continued to press against him in silence as Euftis' dick continued to grow getting harder. She finally released him and moved away from him slowly. Her robe had opened displaying her flesh from her neck to her crotch and she didn't bother to cover herself.
"Hootenanny", Euftis exclaimed waving his right hand.
"What's…hootenanny", Reneta asked concerned.
"You're robe opened up a bit…and I caught a wiff of your…morning…pussy", Euftis said making a face.
Reneta reacted as Euftis hoped and grasped the top of her robe with her right hand closing it tight. "I'm sorry", she said sounding embarrassed as she jumped off Euftis' lap
"Actually you're pussy smells quite intriguing", Euftis thought. "But I'm not going to let you know that…ho."
Reneta headed to the bathroom just outside of Euftis' office. "I'm going to take a bath real quick. I'll be back."
"There's a shower…upstairs…right next to your bedroom. You can bathe up there", Euftis replied dryly.
"I could have…but it's more fun doing it down here…with you", Reneta said as she went into the bathroom and ran a bath.
Reneta went through great pains making ample noise splashing in the water as she took her bath. Euftis ignored her. "Brother? Will you wash my back", Reneta asked since her loud splashing did not entice Euftis to come into the bathroom.
"No", Euftis answered immediately. "There's a brush that you can use to wash your back on the side of the tub. You can do it yourself."
Reneta finished taking her bath and walked back into Euftis' office wet with nothing but a towel wrapped around her and a bottle of lotion in her hand. "Will you lotion me up brother", Reneta asked smiling.
"No", Euftis said with a disdainful look on his face.
"Please", Reneta asked as she let her towel drop to the floor and turned around with her back to Euftis.
Euftis hesitated for a moment as his eyes traveled up and down Reneta's naked backside. "No", Euftis said quietly. "Go on Reneta. Get out of my office."
Reneta turned around and looked down at Euftis perturbed. "Gimme some Euftis", she demanded pouting.
Euftis scowled. He was tired of Reneta's attempts at seduction. "You want some huh", Euftis replied as Reneta stared and did not reply.
Euftis stood up and sat Reneta down on the spot where he was sitting on the couch. He then pulled off his gym shorts and underwear and hiked his left leg on the couch. Then taking a handful of Reneta's hair at the back of her head, he pulled her head forward until her face had a front row seat with penis. He then jerked it slowly with his right hand as Reneata watched him with a leering expression on her face.
"Suck it ho", Euftis said in a low voice.
Reneta's eyes snapped open wide as she looked at Euftis with a shocked expression on her face. "What did you say to me", she asked in disbelief.
"I…said…suck my dick…you scandalous ho…"
Reneta glared at Euftis as she tried to pull away from him. "I am…not…a ho!"
Euftis clenched her hair tight and jerked her head hard once signaling to her that she couldn't escape as he continued to stroke his dick in her face. "You… are…a ho! Any woman that would go over to her sister's home and try to fuck her husband is a…immoral…ho!"
"Stop calling me a ho", Reneta hissed angrily.
"Names have power", Euftis replied evenly. "And you have power over a demon when you speak its name. I know your name…demon. It's…ho!"
The expression on Reneta's face changed from anger to sadness as she began to cry. "Now…suck…my…dick…you evil ho!"
Precum pooled at the tip of Euftis' dick and he moved his hips forward to wipe it on her lips. Reneta clasped her lips together tight and turned her head to the right which caused Euftis to smear his precum on her cheek versus lips.
"Stop fighting me. You know you want to suck this dick…you disobedient ho", Euftis coxed as he moved his hips forward again so that he could stick his dick in Reneta's mouth.
Moaning, she turned her head again causing Euftis to smear precum on her opposite cheek. He moved his hips forward again, penetrating her lips with his penis as it ran across her cleanched teeth and pushed out her right jaw.
"Noooouummpffhhhh…"Reneta mumbled through her tears as Euftis took advatage of her opening her mouth as he held her face tightly with both hands and buried his dick down her throat.
Reneta gagged and Euftis quickly pulled his member out of her mouth before she threw up all over him and his couch. "Stupid…ho! Who taught you how to suck dick", Euftis taunted.
"Stop all that damn cryin'! You wanted some…right? Well now you got it. Now open your mouth…you greedy ho!"
Reneta looked up at Euftis and sniffled as tears continued to roll from her eyes. Euftis smiled broadly. He was rock hard from the degradation of Leata's sister, Euftis bent Reneta's right leg at the knee and placed her foot on the couch and then did the same with her other leg. He then pulled her rump to the end of the couch and spread her legs wide.
"Look at that pussy", Euftis purred as he looked at Reneta's wetness. Her large clit peeked out of its hood prominently, hard with her excitement. With the side of his hand he massaged Reneta's hard clit. Reneta tried to contain the throbbing pleasure coxed from Euftis' stimulation but lost the battle as she began to moan in pleasure deeply from the pit of her stomach.
"Yeeeaaaaaaaaaaa…you like that? Don't you? You depraved ho", Euftis whispered tauting her. Euftis stepped up on the couch and took two handfuls of Reneta's hair as he pulled her head back. He squated over her face and pointed his rigid tool like an arrow in front of her mouth.
Reneta was revolted and yet aroused at an intensity level that she had never felt before. "Open you're mouth…you insatiable ho", Euftis growled.
As Reneta stared at Euftis' stiff tool, his offensive words caused unbidden reactions in her body. The muscles in her legs began to convulse. She became anxious and her fingers clawed at the couch. Her ears burned with a concentrated inner heat. Her belly tingled and ripples of chills cascaded from her derriere to the back of her thighs. She found it difficult to breathe and a scream lurked in her throat as it threatened to burst forth.
She opened her mouth wide and her legs wider. She ached for Euftis to fill one, two, all three of her openings. And her wish was partially granted when Euftis squated and buried his dick in her mouth.
"Look at you", Euftis said with lust in his voice as he pummeled Reneta's face. I've called you every type of ho that I can think of and you're still letting me fuck your face. I'm gonna fuck you good! You…nasty ho. Fuck your mouth…and then I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. You want me to fuck your mouth and your ass. Don't you? You…vile ho!"
"Yeeeeeees! Yes! Damn you! Damn…you", Reneta screamed as she came hard from the sound of Euftis' vicious words and the taste of his essence in her mouth.
"I…know…you like it…you disgusting ho! I'm gonna fuck your mouth until you slobber like a baby…then I'm gonna fuck you in your dirty ass. I'm not gonna fuck your pussy. You never fuck the pussy of a filthy ho like you."
Euftis kept his promise and had intercourse with Reneta's mouth until she uncontrollably slobbered down her torso. "Get on your knees…you grimy ho", Euftis ordered.
Reneta followed Euftis' instructions and got on her knees on the couch pressing her face into it as if she was ashamed. "Uuuuuuuuuuugghhhhhhhhh…", she groaned loudly as she felt the head of Euftis' penis press hard against her anus just short of penetrating it.
She yearned to feel Euftis filling up her rectum and she backed up against his hard dick. She gasped in frustration as the pleasant preasssure pushing into her body disappeared as Euftis suddenly backed away from her and seconds later bolted upright in extreme pain from the viscious slap that Euftis unleashed on her buttocks causing Reneta to scream in agony.
"Did I…tell…you to back your ass up on me you brainless ho", Euftis yelled. "Stick your ass back out", Euftis instructed as Reneta bent back over quickly wincing as her rump continued to burn.
"More", Euftis demanded. "Arch your back!"
Reneta did as she was told and was rewarded with the sensation of Euftis' penis pressing against her anus again. "Spread your ass you ignorant ho! With both hands", Euftis demanded.
Reneta spread her cheeks wide and hovered at the brink of orgasm. "Yeaaaa… you want me to fuck you in the ass…don't you? You…stinking ho! But guess what? I'm not fuckin' your stank ass", Euftis spat with his voice dripping venom as he pushed Reneta to the floor.
Reneta lay on the floor blinking rapidly feeling degraded, yearning, confused, and aroused at the same time. She watched Euftis as, rock hard, he deliberately picked up her towel and twirled it with both hands, looping it into a long spiril knot and then flicked his wrist quickly making the tip of the towel bite into her hip.
The pain that accompanied the blow was so intense that Reneta couldn't scream. Her fear/flight/fight response took over and she scurried to all fours and tried to scramble butt naked out of Euftis' office.
"Smack", the towel bit into her exposed buttocks causing Reneta to roll, crawl, and fumble her way to the door.
"Smack", the towel caught her backside again just as she made it to the door and this time no longer being able to hold her breath Reneta screamed in pain. She rolled the last few feet out of Euftis' office and he slammed the door closed behind her. "Don't you…ever…try to tempt me again", Euftis said through the door. "You trifling ho…"


Leata and the girls returned home several hours later to find Reneta's luggage neatly positioned in the hallway. Before Leata could close the front door, her sister quickly came down the steps wearing black jeans, a black turtle neck sweater and black boots. Almost every inch of her skin was covered as if she had created a barrier to protect herself from the outside world. Euftis observed her in amusment.
Reneta hugged her sister, said goodbye to the girls and hurriedly made several trips to her car to move her luggage into it. Without speaking or looking at Euftis, she then peeled away from the house headed back to Muncie, Indiana.
"Is Reneta okay", Leata asked concerned. "Did anything happen while I was gone?"
"Why would you think that", Euftis asked looking perplexed. "She was just ready to get back home. You're sister and I had a…very…good conversation while you were gone. You want me to get to know your family better and be more accepting of them. I think that I can say without a shadow of a doubt. That you're sister…knows…exactly…where I am coming from now."

Abundant Ministries - 0-9800324-0-7
Copyright © 2007
Euftis Emery
All Rights Reserved

Get it at:,, Barnes & Nobles,

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Abundant Ministries Book Release Party

Abundant Ministries Book Release Party
Current mood: accomplished

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The book release party for my next book Abundant Ministries will be held November 10 at the Renaissance Marriott in Dallas, Texas.

There will be a book signing from 4pm-6pm held in the main lobby.

Dinner party with me at Patrizo from 6:30pm-9pm. If you would like to attend the dinner, RSVP to

Finally, there will be a VIP Mixer (intimate wear required) from 9:30pm - Until. This will be an invitation only event.

I am excited about the release of my next book and I look forward to readers in the Dallas area coming out to enjoy the event.

Friday, July 27, 2007

The search phrases people use to find my books...

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Bunny Shop Jewelry..

I use tracking software on my website and various places where I post so that I can gather statistics which will help me to market my books.

One of the items of data that I capture are the search phases that people use when they use a search engine to find one of my web pages.

It's pretty funny looking at what people are searching for and following are actual searches that people have used and stumbled upon my work.

I take comfort looking at this list because although I have people telling me how 'above the norm' that I am this list shows that there are a WHOLE lot of people much further out in the left field than me.


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