Thursday, December 24, 2009

Excerpt from Off the Chain Volume 2

I’m going to digress for a bit to share a little something with the brotha’s
who are not in the know. So ladies…just skip down to the next section.
It’s denoted as ***On With The Story***.

Hold on my brotha’s. Let’s give the sista’s a minute to scroll down to
continue with the story.

They all gone now? Good. Okay fella’s now that the ladies have
jumped ahead, I’m going to share with you what graduates of The Mack
Association call the ThreeDayPrincipal. Every woman. Every…woman!

Is only faithful as long as she is happy!

I know what a lot of you are thinking right now. Euftis! Half of them don’t
know what they want or need in order to be happy! Exactly!
The stupid brotha’s are scratching their heads right now because they
don’t understand the problem. Let me break it down for ya. There is a
very simple equation that breaks down what equates to… happy…for a
woman. It’s as follows:

Happy = Getting Whatever She Wants When She Wants It!

The men reading this who do their women wrong or intentionally do
shit to piss them off have probably resigned in their heads if not their
hearts that their women are going to fuck around on them. If ya didn’t
know…ya know now! However, the monogamous, hard working, take care
of home brotha’s are all cringing right now. You’re cringing because you
know that women…being women…at times want shit that is just fucking

Happy = Getting Whatever She Wants When She Wants It!

When a real man is faced with a woman who makes an unrealistic
demand he is…forced to put his foot down. And how…hard…you put your
foot down…not giving your woman what she wants when she wants it…will
determine how bad she will fuck around on you to get back at you.
Now, on average, a woman will have her MadOn for up to three days
before she cools off or her man makes amends. Depending on how bad
you piss your woman off, in that three day window she will do one of the
following things:

If you make her angry, she will smile affectionately when that flirtatious
co-worker bluntly tells her how good her ass looks in that new suit she‘s
got on. If you make her mad, she will let someone take her to lunch or
dinner as Cocoa allowed me in this story. Heaven forbid if the brotha
who takes her out is smooth. Because if he can finesse her out of the
panties she will give him the pussy. And if you piss her the fuck off! She
will go…looking…for someone to fuck her brains out.
But let’s just say that you are one of the lucky few men out there who
can give his woman everything she wants. You’re…still…fucked! I don’t
know if it’s biorhythms, global warming, lunar eclipses, solar flares, or
temporary planetary alignments. Things can be going smoothly and there
can be nothing that your woman needs or wants and she will … still…
periodically lose her fucking mind for no good reason. Leaving you no
recourse but to…check her ass…hard!
“Okay Euftis! What are some things that I can say to her that will send her out
the door looking for some dick?”
Good question! When you check your woman, if you start a sentence off
with one of the following, your woman…will…fuck someone else to get
back at you.

“It’s gonna be this way ‘cause I said so…”
“I’m the man in this house…”
(Saying nothing. Just ignoring her ass completely as she rants.)
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re…”
“Just do what I tell you…”
“Ho! Didn‘t I…”
“Look bitch…”

Get the picture? Therefore, even in the best of relationships, you’re
woman will fuck up on you at a minimum of 1-3 times a year. Sorry couz!
Now I know that there are still a few DoubtingThomas’s out there. You’re
the ones grudgingly reading my book because you wanna know what
your woman’s reading in the bed, skin all oiled and perfumed up with a
glass of wine in her hand or in a hot bubble bath with scented candles all
around the tub. You’re the one’s debating with your women the veracity
of my stories. (Just…haten’…on Euftis!) Stories like, Horny in the Motor
City. You tell your woman…this shit ain’t true! No woman would let a man
do some shit like this to them!
Hey yo! Did you ever stop to think…why…your woman takes my side in
these debates? Why she is…adamant…that Horny and stories like it are
true? Because she knows…if she was pissed off enough with your
ass…that she would do the same thing that girlfriend did in that
story….who was by the way…pissed off with her man! Hellllllo!
“But Euftis! My woman goes to church three days a week and caries her bible
with her everywhere she goes! She’s saved! She would never do anything like
that to me!”
Yes she would! If you make her mad enough. Even your bible carryin’
PrasiseWarrior will be in the church after hours getting…counseling… from
her pastor, or favorite minister or deacon…whose got the big dick. She’ll be
on her knees up in the pulpit or down in the basement with that flower
print dress on that makes her look so…sanctified. The dress will be hiked
up in the back…the bloomers will be around her ankles…and she will just
be getting the…lining…fucked…out of her pussy! Don’t shake your head!
Yes! Yes! Even you my saved brotha! Do not be fooled!
I know some of you still doubt me. Let’s put it to the test. This is what I
want ya to do (If your woman‘s got a cute face and phat ass!). Start an
argument with her. And at some point in the argument…call her a bitch.
After you call her a bitch…see to it that she runs into me within three days.
Any takers? Thought not…
But don’t be depressed. It’s all good! ‘Cause what’s good for her…is just
as good for you. Here’s what ya do. You know that foine ass married
woman you work with whose pussy you try to sniff every time she walks
by? Or that…sexy…sista at church who has been livin’ with Brotha Eddie
for years and he still won’t commit to putting a ring on her finger.
Ohhhh… and don’t forget the woman who you…just knew…was going to
have all your babies but broke your heart by telling you that you
were…cute…or…nice …but she just couldn’t see herself dating you?
Become those women’s…platonic friend! Position yourself as the person
they go to for advice. Allow them to vent to you. Listen to their little
problems. Become their sounding board. Don’t worry. You don’t have
to say much. Just interject, “okay / yea / damn / say what! / uhhh huh / you’re
funny / you go girl! / you’re bad! / no they didn‘t!”, and the like where
appropriate. They will be happy as hell that they got somebody to listen to them
while they run their damn mouth!
But the key (And I know this will be hard for all you no pussy getting
nigga’s!) is to…never…broach the subject of sex with them. Look good!
Have your SmellGoods on! You can tell them that they look nice or that
they got a nice outfit on. But don’t do anything more than that! You’re goal,
is to become their asexual male friend that they like to talk to. Why?
Because it’s only a matter of time…before they get pissed off…with their man!

Happy = Getting Whatever She Wants When She Wants It!

Got it? So if you’re that special friend…that they come to for advice or to
vent to…when they get pissed off…whose house are they going to want to
visit to discuss the problem? Uhhhhh huh! Yours! And when they ask
you to meet them somewhere to vent or get some…advice…about her man
(And trust me she will!)…then you just take her shit! And she’s gonna give
it to ya! ‘Cause she’s there…to get back…at her man!”
You’re not trying to be a playa by doing this. You’re just…balancing the
scales…for all the times that your woman will get mad at you and fuck
somebody else. If you tend to piss your woman off more than most, then
get more…friends…so you can keep those scales balanced partna.
Now here is another key point if you want to get the pussy again. After
the nut…just go you’re separate ways. Don’t ask for a date or some stupid
shit like that. Remember! She only fucked you…to get back at her man! Just
become her platonic friend again and pretend the shit didn’t happen. If
she mentions the incident…apologize…tell her you’re sorry that it
happened and insist that she never speak on it again! Become her
asexual, platonic friend again. Why? Because it’s only a matter of
time…before she gets pissed off… with her man again!
“But Euftis! You didn’t tell me how to stop my woman from letting some big
dick nigga pile drive her pussy into the floor if I call her a bitch!”
Sorry couz! Even I don’t know everything! But hey…at least I showed you
how to get some complication free pussy! :o) What can I say? It’s an
imperfect world homey…
Now lets get back…

Wait a minute!
You nosey ass heifer‘s!
Didn’t I tell you this was for the men only!
Yea! I know what I said!
I told on all ya’ll!
And you know it’s true!
Get over it!
Lynette…fix your face!
Ms. Evil…stop laughing!
Gwen…put the phone down! I don’t wanna here it!

I’ve digressed enough. Now on with the story!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Revenge - Between my lovers legs...

Euftis is married to a mentally unstable Leata who is verbally castrating, undermines him with his children, and deprives him sexually in order to control him. Michelle is the perfect wife married to an egotistical and manipulative husband who uses her to give him the illusion of propriety. Euftis and Michelle will find each other and together they will both get...REVENGE.

Get my latest book now at for the Amazon Kindle. Paperback and ebook versions available Jan. 1, 2010.

Get my latest book here!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Whose your Daddy?

If you have a question for me, send an email with Daddy or some derivation thereof in the subject line.

Whose your Daddy?

Dear Daddy,

Today I started back my exercising regiment. I lost the little toning I had, so I went on the treadmill to jog. I've also ordered some of those Tai-Chi DVDs to help give me more flexibility.

So I'm working out in the gym when the security guy comes by and tells me its time to go. I look at my phone, not realizing the time. Ive been at the gym for a good two hours. My roommates will nag me about where Ive been this late at night.

I grab my things and start toward the door, I say goodnight to the guard and head out the gym. Its a little chilly and I wish that I had brought my jacket, instead of just wearing a sweatshirt and short-shorts.

I walk to my apartment complex and it's really dark and somewhat scary due to the trees blowing eerily in the wind but I'm used to it. I'm really anxious about what Im going to eat for dinner. For a college student I'm doing really with my eating habits.

I feel something behind me and I turn and look around but see nothing but a bunch of parked cars, apartment buildings and trees. I stand there for a moment and listen, nothing still. Shrugging my shoulders I keep walking and after a few feet more I again get the feeling like someone is watching me.

I pick up my pace and really start hurrying home forgetting how cold it is. I just want to get away from whoever is watching me. Seeing someone walking towards me I slow my pace and watch them closely since I'm not sure of their intentions.

The person approaches then passes and I stop to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. My breath is finally becoming steady and my heart has stopped its pounding, when I feel a hand slide over my ass and cup it. I gasp and the person tells me to shut the fuck up.

He says that I was asking for this because I was wearing my short-shorts. He slides his hand up and into my shorts and chuckles when he discovers I'm not wearing undies. He calls me a filthy slut and grabs my ass. I gasp and try to move away but he is too quick and strong.

He pulls me back against him and his hard cock pushes against my ass and his hand moves from my ass to cup my pussy. Im scared because I am about to be violated by a stranger!

I struggle harder against the man and he continues to restrain me seemingly without much effort. I'm panting and he laughs then pulls me off the sidewalk into the darkness between the trees. He pulls off my shorts and slides a finger in-between my pussy lips and groans when he discovers my piercing.

He tells me that Im a dirty whore for having my clit pierced. Then he slides a finger inside my pussy and I moan a little in pleasure. I bite my lip fighting back the uncontrolled feeling but its too late. He noticed and whispers into my ear that he likes how I moan.

He starts kissing my neck, and playing with my bra bound breast. His free hand slides under my shirt and cups my tummy, squeezing it and rubbing it. I feel his cock pulsing against my naked ass and then he pulls my shirt off as well.

I watch his hands as they roam my body and I moan again because he feels so good. He's touching me in all the right places and I don't have to tell him what to do. I hear a zipping sound and some rustling and I know he's undressing.

I turn and face him but I can't see his face...I just know he's white with a nice firm body. I look at his cock and smile. Its so fucking big and I wonder if I can fit it into my mouth.

I drop to my knees so I can suck him off and he pulls me back up gently by my hair and says, next time I just want a quick fuck right now. He pushes me against a tree and tells me to spread my ass cheeks for him. I do as he requests and I feel his mouth licking my ear as he slides his thick cock into my pussy.

It feels so good I start to forget I'm outside with a rapist fucking me. He yanks my bra straps down and uncovers my exposed nipples with his big hands. They pull and pinch, squeeze and tug as his dick slides in and out of me hard and fast. I'm moaning like crazy and I can hear him moaning in my ear.

He tells me how wet I am and how he loves the sounds I'm making. He's tells me his name and I open my mouth to tell him mine when suddenly I wake up. I'm in my bed, no sex, and no rapist.

I have tons of dreams like this, and I would like to know what they mean. Why is it that my daily life in my dreams ends up like this? And what should I do about it?



I love interpreting women's dreams when they are like this. Lets take a look and see whats going on in your subconscious. First lets identify the key elements in your dream. They are as follows:

Being watched
Big Dick
Oral Sex

As Ive stated in previous dream interpretations that I have done, never take a symbol at its face value. This is what I think your dream is telling you. The first symbol in your dream was the gym and this indicates that you need to apply the things that you have learned and incorporate them into your daily life.

The darkness in your dream symbolizes that you need to keep your temper in check. You have the tendency let your emotions get out of control and lose your temper.

The being watched component suggests that you are feeling confined in your work environment or a personal relationship. You feel you are lacking a sense of privacy. While the pursuit aspect indicates that you are refusing to acknowledge a certain viewpoint or idea.

To see a penis in your dream signifies sexual energy, power, aggression, and fertility. To see and exceptionally large penis, suggests doubts and anxieties about your sexual drive and libido.

Dreams of rape are dreams of violence. As a dreamer, you may find yourself as an aggressor, victim, or spectator to the crime. In dreams of this nature, your role and feelings about the others in the event are crucial to understanding the meaning of the dream. If you have recurring dreams of being the victim of rape, you should try to determine if post-traumatic stress is a factor in your dreams.

If that's not the case, then the rape aspect could just denote your need to be desired. The fantasy provides an excuse for you to do the things that the rapist (i.e., your ego) really wants you do.

You also expressed a desire in the dream to, drop to your knees and suck him off To dream that you are giving or receiving oral sex signifies your willingness to give or receive pleasure. It is symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirms that you are headed in the right direction in life.

Without knowing your past I would venture that you are a tad bit at war with yourself dear but coming to the realization that you're a freak. If you're in a relationship with someone now you're dreams are telling me that they ain't givin' it to you like you want it. If they are capable then open your mouth and tell him how you want it. If he cant slang some dick then retire his ass and hire someone that can.

There is a very bad gurl in you that's just dying to come out and play. Let her. Stop repressing your true nature . If you see a dick that makes your mouth water...suck it. See a dick you want to fuck...fuck it.

Stop waiting for a rapist to come take that pussy, slap that phat ass and call you a bitch. You know you want it. Go out and get it.

Whose your Daddy?

Tags: advice euftis