Saturday, January 17, 2009

No more bush....

No more Anslem Samuel

I was flipping through the channels the other night and I stopped on The Sarah Silverman Program. I’ve never watched it before nor have I ever cared to but something made me stop—perhaps it was the half-naked women standing in a locker room that caught my attention.

Anyway, there was a where a pair of women were changing clothes after working out. One of them unwrapped her towel to start getting dressed and the other one’s eyes widened as she noticed that her friend hadn’t shaved her private area. Based on her reaction, it must’ve looked like Buckwheat on a bad hair day “down there.” Later on in the skit, the lady with the bush asked her boyfriend if he had an issue with her unkempt nether region. He paused before confessing, “Yes, it’s a bit much.”

This got me thinking about the topic of hair “down there” and how people perceive it. Now I can only speak for myself, but I like an even playing field “down there.” It doesn’t have to be bald and all that (nothing wrong with it, though); all I require/desire is that the grounds are maintained to some degree. Trust me, ladies, guys take note of this because if you don’t even take care of your most prized possession then what does that say about your overall hygiene and how you’ll care for me. I know, I know, it could look like a sweet slice of heaven on Earth between her legs but still wind up being a putrid cesspool of death, but I’m just saying. Think of it like a house: When you don’t mow your lawn and let things get out of hand you’re only bringing down your property value—and who wants that?

Truth be told, I think you can tell a lot about where a woman’s head is at by her crotch crop work. There have been times when a chick and I were making out and my fingers were allowed to do the walking and I found myself smack dab in the middle of a follicular jungle. Yikes! If shorty is on point, by time I’m granted a repeat visit, her bushes will be trimmed and the grass will be low. This will lead me to believe that I just caught her on an off night last time. She probably wasn’t even planning or expecting to get it and didn’t have time to tidy up the place. If the loving is right, most women won’t want to get caught with their pants down… Well, actually….

Tell me that I’m wrong, ladies. Don’t y’all tend to prime the love patch when you know you’re going to have company? It might not even be for the guy, it could just be to make yourself feel sexy. Whatever the case, it helps. I know I conduct extra grounds keeping when I have a planned (or highly likely) visit to the ball field. I don’t do it for myself, per say, I just think it’s common courtesy to allow workers to have easy access to your tool without large bushes obstructing their view. (TMI I know but you’ll get over it).

Now I’m not saying that a wild garden is a definite showstopper, because I’ll be damned if I’m that close to the action to let a few extra long hair follicles stand between us. But it can definitely dampen (or actually un-dampen) the mood for any potential oral theatrics on my part. Like I said, I like a clear path to the goal. Is that so wrong, ladies?

When it comes to trimming the hedges, though, everyone has their own personal preferences. Some ladies go for the full Monty, others like the sporty racing stripe, others get a basic fade, and some go for a fuller look. But an all out Afro “down there?” Nah, I’m not feeling that so much, and I’m sure I’m not alone. Maybe back in the ’60s, but most guys I know prefer more maintenance and less mess “down there.”

Am I alone on this? Are you guys and gals turned off by too much hair “down there?” Would you ever tell your partner, male or female, to trim their pubes? Or do you feel at that point in the night it really doesn’t matter?

Speak your piece….

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